10.16.2014

I did that. I made you.












Shirt: H&M, Jacket: Lotus (vintage) 15% off on lotuslook.com with code MODA at checkout, Shirt: Target, Shoes: Marshalls, Bag and Watch: Michael Kors, Bracelet: CeleneStones (get 15% off if you mention ModaFresca when you email CeleneStones@gmail.com to customize yours)

Do you ever get lost in a train of thought and by the time you realize you were zoned out you are thinking about something completely different than you started with? And then you're in this weird mood afterwards?

It happened to me this morning after I got off of the phone with my mom actually. 

I talked to my mom on the phone around 7AM.
She was saying that it was Boss's Day and that she had to stop to get her boss a gift. 
She sounded tired and kind of sad (which may have just been her being exhausted and having to go to work for 12-14 hours, but I detected sadness still).
I got sad that my mom was sad.
I thought about how hard she has worked her whole life, and how long most of her days had been. How completely heartbroken she has been since my grandma died this summer. 
I threw up a little prayer quickly that everyone my mother encountered today would be really kind to her.

My mom cares about people. She is a nice person.
 
I started to think about what a shame it is that my mother cannot see herself through my eyes. 
I started to feel bad that my mom has always felt inferior to everyone else.
I thought about how uncomfortable she is in public settings.
I remembered us going to the grocery store right before it closed when I was a kid because there would be less people there at that hour, and that way she wouldn't have to see anyone.
My mom would never speak in public.
Never wear anything that drew attention to herself.
Never cause a scene.
Never.

I got mad at faceless strangers who made fun of her as a teenager and talked behind her back.
I got sad that my mom, the strongest, hardest working person I have ever met was so scarred by other people's opinions of her and their stupid, juvinile, careless words.
So impacted that they permanently shaped who she was to become.
That their judgement followed her and she could not detach herself from it.

My mom was 15 years old when she got pregnant with me.
It was 1979.
She was shamed.
Embarrassed.
An outcast.
All of her children were born between the time she was 15-21.
She was young.
4 kids.
Married.
Divorced.  
People stopped talking to her.
They started talking about her.

I knew that my mom was embarrassed by decisions she made all of those years ago. I knew she was hurt. I knew being around people made her uncomfortable, but it had never hit me quite as hard... like a punch to the gut.. as did at one of my brother's weddings 2 years ago. My mom and I were on the dance floor together at the reception (it was crowded and dark or there is NO way she would have been dancing with other people around). She brought me in for a hug and said... "I'm proud of you, baby girl, and I love you SO much." My mom is really affectionate, so the fact that she was saying these things didn't throw me off, so much as how she was saying them. I said "what's wrong, Mama? She looked at me and then down at the floor and said... "Oh, nothing, it's just that there is a woman here that I went to high school with and when I got pregnant with you, she talked about me and was really mean. She acted like she was so much better than me. But, now... here you are, and you are beautiful and you love me so much, and you spoke so well giving your brother's speech, and you're so strong, and so confident, and people love you, and I just thought to myself... take that. I didn't fail. I did that. I made you.

WHOA.
I got those big, fat, heavy tears in my eyes and as soon as I blinked they crashed down my face and landed on my chest.
30+ years later and seeing that woman still took her there.
That shit is powerful. 
I will never, as long as I live, forget that moment.

I know my mom really well.
I knew that she cared too much about what other people said and thought but I never understood, fully understood, how every part of her was shaped by that shit.
Somehow she raised me to be different. It was as if she taught me to have the charateristics that would have made her more bulletproof. Don't you dare give a shit what people think or say about you, because it does not matter. You are only defined by other people if you let them define you.

I love my mom so much.
So fuking much.
It's unreal. Makes my heart feel like it's going to burst just writing this. 

Anyway...

I started to think what a shame it is that kids who are young right now (whether they are being bullied, or just feel generally unaccepted) are being shaped by what other kids are saying about them and how they are being treated. And I just hoped that they have someone in their life who reminds them that it is all bullshit. You can be whomever you want to be. You can look different, act different, make different choices, make "mistakes", move on, grow, and be bold. Some people will like you. Some will not. That's okay. But. Do not. Please do not listen to that shit, or shove it so deep down inside of you that it becomes that soil your self worth grows from. It can change the course of your life. I promise you that it can, and if you are not careful... it will. It will change how you show up in your one, precious life.

I wish.
I wish my mom could see her how I see her.
Fearless.
Strong.
Beautiful.
Capable.
Worthy.
Shining.
Special.
Extraordinary.

A Boss Bitch. Today, on Boss's Day... and Every.Damn.Day. 



10.13.2014

Basic Bitches











Sweater and T: Target, Skirt: F21, Shoes and Necklace: Aldo, Cuff: CeleneStones (15% off when you email Krista at CeleneStones@gmail.com)
"Basic"... the most recent and most popular way to throw shade at someone without actually swearing. It's a dis directed (in my case) towards rude, petty, pissy women who are threatened by anything outside of their comfort zone. Annnnd it's currently my favorite phrase when paired with the word "bitch" or "bitches". Allow me to give you an example: 

My girlfriends and I walked into a sports bar for drinks one night. We were wearing heels, dresses, bold lipstick, and we ordered champagne. There was a group of women next to us about our same ages (early to mid 30's or so) and they all did this condescending group giggle when we sat down at a table next to them. They looked us up and down and then laughed. I overheard one say... "Sequins? To a bar? Really? Hahahahaha....". I looked at them, and then back at my friends and simply said... "Ah... Fuk em. Basic Bitches. Every last one."


I reserve the word for real assholes. It's not about what you're wearing or not wearing. It's not about how "fashionable" you are (whatever that means). It's not about if you prefer fancy heels and accessories, or cardigan sweaters and flip flops. It's a disposition. Basic bitches feel threatened by anything that they aren't a part of or don't understand. Basic bitches always agree with the masses. Basic bitches are mean, unsupportive, followers who have to put other women down to make themselves feel better. Basic bitches gossip... judge... and rarely give a shit about anything outside of their own little world.

When I saw this t-shirt I had to have it. It was not an investment piece. I mean, it cost me $5.00. I'm sure it will last about as long as the popularity of the insult itself, but I love it. A simple, bold reminder. "Don't Be Basic." Don't be a shithead. I really wanted to wear it to Corporate America, and this (basic) cardigan and pencil skirt is how I got away with doing so (without getting canned). 

In other news, we were in Alabama this past weekend for a wedding. We had an absolute BLAST. Take-aways:
  • In Alabama, college football is a REALLY big deal.
  • Pork barbeque is also VERY important. 
  • Making memories and traveling together. Man, that's the good stuff. Even if things are good day to day, getting away from your routine with the person you love is so special.
  • Champagne... is always a good idea. Until the next day. Saturday was AWESOME. Sunday sucked. UGH.
  • I tested the limits of dry shampoo last week and am baffled it's superpowers. I washed my hair on Wednesday morning and not again until this morning (rehearsal and wedding festivities included). That stuff is amaaaaazing. 
  • I have never been to a more beautiful, heartfelt wedding ceremony. The pastor had known the bride her whole life and choked up while he was speaking to the couple. I was bawling. Best wishes, Hugh and Emily. It was an amazing weekend!









10.08.2014

Humping











Tank: H&M, Cardigan and Jeans: Old Navy, Vest: Target, Booties: Dolce Vita, Rings: LeVian from Jared the Jewelers, "love" necklace: Lotus

Well hello there, and Happy Hump Day, Mamacitas! 

I am similar to a 6th grader that I giggle every time someone says the word "hump". It's just funny to me. I find myself saying it a lot when I'm teaching Pilates. There is no better way to describe the motion I need from your pelvis in bridge than "hump". I teach the way I speak, and ya know what? "Hump" works. Every. Damn. Time.

Hump. Hump. Hump. I am actually laughing as I write this. (I am the only one over the age of 11 laughing. I know.)

I  guess this would be my first "fall" outfit of the year. I wore it last weekend. On both Saturday and Sunday in fact. Outfits are like trees falling in the woods. If no one really saw it (or no pictures were taken) when you wore it the first time, did it ever really happen??? No, no it didn't. Total fair game to wear as many times as you'd like.

For this... my first cool weather ensemble <barf>... I layered a summer lace tank top, put a boyfriend cardigan (extra long and baggy) over it and layered a vest on top. I wore it ALL weekend. AND I probably could have gotten away with wearing it a few more times, but then I fuked it all up by taking photos for the blog. Fail.

This is random, but I have seen two REALLY good movies in the last few weeks and I feel the need to share. One was at the theater. It's called, The Hundred Foot Journey. It's about food... culture... love... fear... and dreams coming true. It's about an Indian family who opens up a restaurant in France. I laughed and cried. It's a beautiful film. Then, last night, the Manfriend and I rented (via either iTunes or Netflix) The Million Dollar Arm. It's actually a Disney movie. It is not animated though. It's based on a true story about a man who almost loses everything and finds his joy and purpose in an unlikely place. It's about baseball... and taking chances... about hope... humility... and love.  It was awesome. Great for kids. Man, there are so few things that are appropriate for kids these days. I don't care if I sounded "old" by saying that. It's true. (Note to my sister-in-laws: Brandy/Jess - if you are reading this, all of the kids will LOVE The Million Dollar Arm and so will you guys.)

A movie critic I am not, but I really liked both of these. We (the Manfriend really liked them too) just felt good after watching them. Ya know? There are so few things that aren't depressing, insanely over sexualized, or extremely violent ya know? I rarely watch television for that reason. Except for Modern Family, New Girl and The Mindy Project. Those shows make me insanely, ridiculously happy.

That is all. XO

10.06.2014

There's Still Time









Skirt: Lotus (15% off online, coupon code MODA), Shirt: Ann Taylor, Shoes: Marshalls, Rings: Stella & Dot
I have wanted to wear this skirt for weeks.

It's part of a 2-piece outfit with a itty-bitty crop top (that I am not quite prepared to wear yet), but I hated seeing it just hang there in my closet getting no love. So, I decided I'd wear it to Corporate America. The ol' concrete jungle.

I could have played it safe with a white button down and nude shoes, but I thought (since I had the same exact color shirt and shoes anyway) that I'd try out the whole monochromatic thing. One color, head-to-damn toe. Bright-ass raspberry in this case. It's a risk, and it may very well end up being one of those outfits I look back on in horror (whatDAfuk was I thinking????), but as of now, I'm kind of digging it. I love this color. Although... I am completely aware that I look like a 5'7 raspberry popsicle. Ah well... lawd knows there are enough white button down shirts in Corporate America.<< Don't. Be. Predictable.>>

On a completely unrelated topic (as much as I loathe the cold weather that is coming) I love that Fall always feels like "opportunity". There is a shift in the air. A reminder that there is still time to close the year out the way we want to. There are 3 whole months left (a quarter still) and how you spend them can determine how you look back on 2014. Was it a year of progress or another year that started with momentum and good intentions, and closed out with disappointment?

I always naturally reevaluate where I am at this point in the year. What were my New Year's resolutions? Where was my head 9 months ago? Did I follow through with any of them? Are they still relevant?  If not, why? Can I start them now? Can I go into the next year as I hoped?

I think many of us kind of give up at this point in the year... like... "Ahhh screw it... there is Yom Kippur... Halloween... Thanksgiving... Christmas... Kwanza, etc. It is cold. It is dark when I wake up and dark when I get home. The year is shot so I may as well coast". Blah, blah, blah. NO.

Don't coast.

Coasting is for suckers.

There are 86 days left in 2014. That is 12 weeks and 2 days. A lot can be done in 86 days. A lot can change in 12 weeks and 2 days.

  • Did you want to get your body in better shape? Start. You have 12 weeks. That is significant. 
  • Did you want to get your mind in better shape? Read. Enroll in classes. School not in your plan, or budget? Give yourself a research assignment as if you were in school. Is there something you want to learn about? Challenge yourself to do just that.
  • Did you want to leave a shitty relationship that sucks your will to live and find that you are still exactly where you were in January? Then maybe you should make some changes. You'll be 86 days closer to living your best life by the new year. And if you go through a break up... in 12 weeks and 2 days it will hurt (even if it's just a little bit) less. 
  • Did you hope to be in a relationship? YO!!!  Put yourself out there. There is still time for you to meet someone in 2014. 

There is still time to make 2014 your bitch. So why not do it?





10.01.2014

Summertime Sadness











Romper, Shoes, "love" Necklace, and Purse: Lotus (15% off online with code MODA), Vest: Target, Watch: Michael Kors, Bracelet: Celene Stones (celenestones@gmail.com - 15% off if you mention ModaFresca Blog).
Another day, another pair of shorts. It's a stretch... my days are numbered... I know.

I wore this last night. Can you tell that I am desperately, pathetically trying to hold onto summer? I know it's October 1st, but I am not ready for fall. Why you ask? Because fall is just nature's way of easing us into winter. Or hell, as I prefer to call it. 

It seems like I am the only one not totally psyched for fall though.  I woke up to a lot of people celebrating October 1st. Especially my white girl friends. Man, white girls love them some fall. You would have thought that it was a legitimate holiday.

I saw posts about it on FB ("YAY Fall"... "Wohoo, Boots and Baggy Sweaters"... "Leggings Weather"). There were pictures of changing leaves and Pumpkin Spice Lattes all over Instagram. And... if all that wasn't a cruel enough reminder that summer is over, I was faced with the proverbial "nail in the coffin" at lunch today when I had my first black tights sighting of the season.

A woman was wearing black tights, a black skirt that hit her mid-calf, a mock turtle neck sweater, and flats. Come ON. 80 degrees was the high today in Charlotte. 80 degrees. She was jumping the gun a touch if you ask me. She was either really excited for fall or demonstrating how one would dress if they were going as Human Contraception for Halloween. For gawd sake... that outfit was walking birth control.

Fall. Bah Friggin' Humbug.

I miss summer already.

I don't completely hate fall. I mean... I love the leaves changing, trips to the mountains, making homemade soup, the smell of cinnamon, Sunday football, and a the fact that I can blow dry my hair without sweat beads accumulating on my upper lip. BUT the clothes!?!?!?! I get SO sick of cool weather clothes after like a week. They are all dark... and basic. Even faux fur and leather (which I love) turns ho hum in the fall. Why? Because everyone wears it all the time. I mean, what else are you going to do? 

I changed out my closet this week. I took all my summer clothes and put them upstairs, and brought my Fall/Winter stuff down. You know what I saw.... a whole heap of Snoozeville. Boooooring. I fell asleep for a second just writing about it. Black. Gray. Beige. Elastic waistbands. Oversized sweaters... and sensible shoes. Gag.

Gone are the bright colors. The neons, florescents, and florals. The flowy dresses and caftans. Maxi dresses and mini skirts. Shorts.... tanks... sandals. Thin, free flowing material that allows for movement. I want to wear shit I can twirl in. I don't make a habit of twirling (I am a grown ass woman, after all) but I like having the option. I like when hair gets highlighted from the sun. Pink lipstick. Tan lines. Open toes. I like fresh fruit and farmers markets. Early sunrises and late sunsets. Trips to the beach. I love the way salt water exhausts you and makes you feel completely alive all at the same time.

You know what fall and winter do to me? Nothing good. I feel like I am retaining water for 6 months. Bloated... and white, like the underbelly of a fish. All I want to do is hang out and eat. Fall and winter... you basically just strap 10 pumpkin spiced pounds to your ass as you get whiter by the minute. I'm talking pasty white. The kind of white that makes a little red zit look like a stop sign on your face. You know what I'm saying? What happens to a pimple in the summer? Nothing. It gets dried up, or you're tan so you don't even notice it. What happens to a zit in the winter? It ruins your damn day, that's what. Ugh.

Seasons change... it gets cold... and sensible clothing is inevitable, I know. BUT...  I refuse to go down without a fight.

DEATH BEFORE CREWNECKS!